"Shitrus: A Guide for Caregivers"

Spring 2018

Yeup, my latest idea for a book.  If I could get past the great titles I'd have TONS of best selling books.  Apparently, titles are my forte.

The idea came to me as I was chatting with a friend.  Her daughter is having some significant health issues and she (my friend) was feeling overwhelmed and worn out.  I'll call her "Denise" because "my neighbor" is too many letters.  Denise was venting that she just couldn't take anymore and that she didn't want to raise five more children, she just wanted to be a Grandma.  I had to lay some hard love on her.

It doesn't matter whether or not she thinks she can't take more, she has no choice.  And, it doesn't matter what she wants, she's going to have to deal with whatever happens.  

I have learned this the hard way, which brings me to my book idea.  I was thinking that I've had so many lemons thrown at me that my poop should smell like shitrus.  I also remembered how I had to learn all these things by myself:  going through rough times, shouldering most the burden.  Wouldn't it have been great to have somewhere or someone to go to for help...or an understanding shoulder to cry on.  Somebody, who from experience, could say "It's going to be alright.  You're going to get through this.  Let me help you find a way to handle all this crap."

Emotions Suck!!

I can feel that I'm moving into a new phase emotionally and it ain't a good move.  It's the place where every sorrow and every pain is felt so intrinsically that I want to hide and cry.  Like my soul has been ripped and beaten until I can't even raise my head. 

It's at these times that I wonder why Jesus would step in and take this abject grief from me.  And, if I love him as a sister should love her brother, why would I let him do it.  If I truly knew what kind of suffering I was asking him to take from me, how could I ask him?  Was I that self-centered or that desperate?  I look at my brothers and sisters now and there's no way I would let them do something like that for me...not knowingly.

Something that's been kicking around in my mind lately.

"See ya soon!"

Cemeteries are a great place for self reflection.  You're standing in the middle of all these dead.  You're the only one still standing; you're the only one still breathing.  People who worked hard, took like seriously, didn't take life seriously, some who didn't even have the chance to decide either way...all dead.  The only thing strangers will ever know about them; Born XXX - Died XXX, Mother, Father, Sister, Brother...a few facts to represent one . whole . life.  Their stories only remembered by family, friends, loved ones, enemies.

So why am I standing in the middle of a cemetery waxing philosophic about life and death?  Yesterday was my very best friend's death day.  Jonna died March 19, 2017 of colon cancer.  She battled it for four, long years.  I always thought she'd beat it but it basically took over and killed her liver, game over after that.

I spoke at her funeral.  We used to do everything together.  We met for lunch almost everyday of the work week.  She was my skating buddy, my walking buddy, the gal that pushed me to be better.  For some magical reason, she helped me feel balanced, centered.  She was THAT friend.

I took the day off because I wasn't sure what kind of shape I would be in.  I'm glad I did.  I had a great day, which sounds weird, but that cloud that's been encompassing me finally lifted, at least a little.  I went to Jonna's grave in the Goshen Cemetery, took her daffodils from my yard, a diet coke, and chex snax with peanut M&M's added.  Then we talked...well, I talked.  Once I started I was surprised at how easily it came. 

I told her all about the last year.  I told her a married a couple.  I could hear her say, "You did not?!!"  Yeup, their officiant bailed and you'd be surprised how easily you can get ordained to perform marriages on the internet.  Didn't even cost me a dime.  I told her about my quest to do Adventures A - Z.  How I was having a hard time without her so I concocted this quest.  (When we went to lunch we'd always go on "Quests".)  I was going to have an adventure for every letter of the alphabet and hopefully, she would come with me on each one.

I told her I wished she was still here.  Then I realized that if I was going to wish, I'd wish that she never had cancer.  This is when the cloud started to dissipate.  I could feel her there with me and I realized that she was okay and was doing alright.  She was where she was supposed to be and I was where I was supposed to be. I talked and cried and laughed.  When I was out of words, I really didn't want to leave.  The last time I left that spot was at her burial and it gutted me.  Now, however, I knew that she was happy and so when I left I called, "See ya soon!"

Life is fleeting, it goes by in the blink of an eye.  As Jacob wrote in the Book of Mormon, "...our lives passed away as if it were unto us a dream." Jacob 7:26

Adventures in Crappy Preparation and Bad Fitness

The Idea

I've been looking at the leaves changing and thinking I really wanted to go up to Grove Creek Falls before the weather got bad.  I've been walking fairly consistently for about two weeks and decided I was ready.  The hikes not that bad, afterall, a little steep here and there but, overall, not bad.  Plus, it's such a cool hike with the skree hills, cliff side trails, and greenery.  I may have been a bit optimistic about my physical fitness.  My memory isn't that great either.

The Preparation

Did I mention my memory isn't that great?  My preparation consisted of walking 3-4 times a week for two weeks and picking a nice Saturday.  That morning I ate a container of Greek Yogurt with Granola mixed in.  I'd decided to leave my backpack at home and just get a liter bottle of water from Harts to carry in my hand.

I left the house about 9am and stopped at Harts.  Contrary to advertising campaigns Harts is where adventure begins...not Maverick.  I bought a liter of water and a banana.  I toyed with the idea of grabbing Gatorade but I planned on using my walking pole so I only had one hand available so no gatorade.  I ate the banana on the way to the trail.

As I pulled into the trailhead parking lot I noticed a guy putting on sunscreen and a hat.  Huh, I'd forgot both.  Oh well, didn't want to take time to go home and get them, and besides, I'll only be out a couple of hours at the most.

The Hike

Honestly, getting up to the falls and the footbridge SUCKED.  It was only because I have the mind and focus of a heat seeking missile that I even made it.  My decision making abilities need a serious overhaul.

The first 1/3 of a mile goes UP...very steeply.  It tricks you at first because it's a nice gentle slope and then wham you're climbing like a mountain goat.  I obviously forgot that part.  Then it goes gently up until you get to where the switchbacks start.  Luckily there's a great "Happy Rock" to sit on so I could catch my breath.

The switchbacks didn't seem too bad but at the top the trail split and I wasn't sure if the left was the actual trail or the right was the trail.  There's a trail that goes along the front of the mountain that I knew was to the left at some point so I took the right.  The right turned out to be a corner-cutter that went straight up.  It was lovely.  I rested at the top.  In fact, I rested a lot.  If my legs weren't screaming for relief then my lungs were screaming.  I wondered at some point if this could qualify for HIIT workout.

The part where the trail is on the edge of a cliff was really cool, as always, one of my favorite parts.

The skree hills were a little terrifying, especially on tired, shaking legs.  There had been lots of rain a few weeks ago and parts of the trail through the skree had been washed out.  If you started sliding on that, good luck stopping before you hit the bottom of the canyon.  Once I thought about not going further but, like I mentioned, bound and determined to make it to the footbridge, so I forged ahead.  In my mind I kept replaying the message that if I kept going I would see my treasure...or something like that.  The memory is a little fuzzy.  Did I mention I was hiking alone.  Yeup, was hiking alone. 

 Skree Field

 

 Skree Field

 

 Looks like the stretch marks on a mother

Black rock with white quarts veins

 

 

Tiny Lizard in the middle of the Pic

So I kept going and sitting and going and sitting and going and sitting and at some point I may have been cursing my Grasshopperyness.  Then I started pondering the story of the Grasshopper and the Ant.  The entire story is a complete falacy!!  At the end of the summer GRASSHOPPERS DIE!!!  They do not burrow underground for the winter, they do not hybernate, THEY DIE!!  So why shouldn't they play all summer long.  Those damn ants were just jealous. 

As you can tell I was probably getting a bit loopy.  No matter, it stands that the grasshopper should play all summer, the ant be damned.

I finally made it to Les Case bench.  A wooden bench bolted to the inside of a little alcove.  I new the end was near.  I sat on the bench for awhile and looked out over Pleasant Grove, it was very nice, very picturesque.  As always, when I sit on that bench, I wonder who Les Case was.  There's very little on the internet other than his family put the bench up there after he died.  I aways wonder what kind of person he was and what his family is like.

I finally hauled myself back onto my feet and made it the last 50 or so yards to the footbridge and falls.  I was so Happy!  My water bottle was empty so I refilled it from the waterfall then sat on the bridge until my legs felt better and the flies got too bad.

Grove Creek, Right Waterfall

 



The hike back down was much, MUCH more pleasant...mostly.  After the first mile my quads started barking pretty loud but my heart and lungs were good so I kept going.  I stopped at the Happy Rock to give them a rest.  While sitting there I decided when I got off this damn trail I was going to go to McDonald's and get a large diet coke and a large Pineapple/Mango smoothie.  I was hot, tired, and starving...I was also feeling very peaked...and burned, very sun burned.

Going down that last 1/3 of a mile was tricky.  There's a lot of loose rock and if you're not careful you'll slide.  I kept using the grapevine technique I'd seen on the CrossFit games, it was a little easier.  I could have cried when I finally saw the parking lot and my car.

The Aftermath

I stumbled to my car...and I mean stumbled.  Not sure I should have even been driving at that point.  I drank the last sip of water and pointed determinedly for MickeyD's. 

The diet coke didn't even last to the house, it felt so good going down my throat.  I was so hot that I sipped on the smoothie.  I got home, said "Hi" to the kids, put the smoothie in the freezer, and collapsed on the couch in the front livingroom.  I had my calves resting on the arm so my feet were elevated.  My kids seemed concerned.  Kids rarely seem concerned.  Truth be told, I was concerned.  I WAY over pushed it.

Off and on for the rest of the day I laid on the couch watching the ceiling fan go around and thought that at some point in my life I should start making better decisions. 

Stats

2:15 hrs to bridge
1:15 hrs to trailhead
4.25 miles
Saw:  2 lizards and a hiding squirrel