The Side Effect of Surgery that NOBODY Mentions...

September 22, 2018

The Hell that is Constipation!!  It's not JUST constipation, it's "cork in the butt, nothing's coming out" constipation! It is mind blowing, "Oh Hell, I'm gonna die here!" constipation.  Of course, that then changed to "Someone kill me now!"  And it is NOT funny.

I sincerely thought I was going to die on that toilet.  It happened Saturday afternoon and I can just barely talk about it now (Monday).  It was horrifying, mortifying, and I Never. Ever want to experience anything like that again.  I'd rather have a natural birth.  Do they have forceps for poop?  I could have used some forceps and if I hadn't been so mortified, someone to use them.  Reaching around is not optimum.

I had surgery on Thursday, September 20th.  Saturday, Cary got me out of the house to pickup some take-out.  As we're sitting in the drive-thru it comes to my attention that I need a bathroom.  I made Cary hurry home because I have really got to go.  When we got home I ran into the house, straight to the bathroom, and plant my butt on the toilet.  Nothing happens.  I strain.  I push.  I contract and squeeze then expand and push!  Nothing.  IT is stuck! 

After what seems like an eternity, I'm worn out and sweating and I come to the realization that unless I wish to die with this giant turd stuck in my anus I am going to have to "help" it out.  Now, I am not going into details because it was over-the-top gross and I'm jus to embarrassed.  Suffice it to say, if I ever, EVER have surgery again, this is something that I will address with the surgeon BEFORE the surgery.  No self respecting person should EVER have to go through this.

"Shitrus: A Guide for Caregivers"

Spring 2018

Yeup, my latest idea for a book.  If I could get past the great titles I'd have TONS of best selling books.  Apparently, titles are my forte.

The idea came to me as I was chatting with a friend.  Her daughter is having some significant health issues and she (my friend) was feeling overwhelmed and worn out.  I'll call her "Denise" because "my neighbor" is too many letters.  Denise was venting that she just couldn't take anymore and that she didn't want to raise five more children, she just wanted to be a Grandma.  I had to lay some hard love on her.

It doesn't matter whether or not she thinks she can't take more, she has no choice.  And, it doesn't matter what she wants, she's going to have to deal with whatever happens.  

I have learned this the hard way, which brings me to my book idea.  I was thinking that I've had so many lemons thrown at me that my poop should smell like shitrus.  I also remembered how I had to learn all these things by myself:  going through rough times, shouldering most the burden.  Wouldn't it have been great to have somewhere or someone to go to for help...or an understanding shoulder to cry on.  Somebody, who from experience, could say "It's going to be alright.  You're going to get through this.  Let me help you find a way to handle all this crap."